I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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