now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
