I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
