FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
