My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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