Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
