hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
