the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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