My girlfriend figured out who you are.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
