Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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