So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
