I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
