My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
