I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
