So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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