yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
