Someone shit on the floor
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
