What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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