i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
