haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
