Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
