When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
