Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
