MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
