The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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