We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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