hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
