I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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