you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
