I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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