yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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