you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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