last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
