I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have post one night stand depression
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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