sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
