hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
