I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
