She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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