Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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