giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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