this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
