I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
