I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
