My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
