I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
