If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
