We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
