I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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