I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
