Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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