nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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