using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He shit in the fireplace
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
