Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
